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The Shift to Online

 As pandemic times go by, I find it more difficult to love what I do. Not because I don't love BDSM and the psychology behind paraphilias, but because I'm tired of forcing myself into roles that just don't jive with who I am and what I enjoy. I blame a lot of this on the switch to working online platforms like niteflirt. I joke around that its akin to the fast food version of what should be a 5 star steakhouse. I miss the dungeon.

What I miss about being in the dungeon is having that connection. Knowing I had a chunk of that individual's time and undivded attention to explore who they were, what they needed from me, how I could best use them in a way that would make the time enjoyable for both of us. Real time sessions command more respect as well. A person online really has no obligation to be respectful towards you. Face to face interaction can be a solid deterrant for ill manners. It also allows you to work with your enviornment. You have your canvas primed and ready to create. You layer sensations, smells, lighting, touch, temperature, etc. 

Online or over the phone you can be descriptive, but the element of surprise can be lacking. I really have a lot of respect for individuals who work as dommes online. Its hard and involves a LOT of thought. Its not like phone sex where you pop on, moan a little, pretend to get fucked, talk dirty, or whatever. I don't do phone sex because It throws my voice every time, but also the thought of even discussing a stranger touching my body intimately, without having built a STRONG rapport with the person, piques my anxiety level. Going into a call, I won't know if a coversation of that sort is what person is looking for. When you are working as a domme online/over the phone, you have about 30 seconds with a new client to read them and break them down psychologicallly. Find out what they want and how they want to be spoken to. A lot of times they will say " I want to be dommed".  Ok, thats fucking vague. Let's dive deeper. You have 15 seconds before this person who has no clue what the fuck they want loses interest and calls someone else.


I do enjoy the challenge of it though! What I do not enjoy is when guys call after they've been jerking off for an hour and want to just hear your voice so they can bust a nut real quick and you get that 4 minute call. I don't enjoy when guys call and want to discuss things that make me uncomfortable. I'm into some wierd taboo shit, just don't tell me you want me to let you eat my pussy. Or like.. well yeah, really anything that involves you touching any part of me other than my feet. Ew. Oh and let us not forget the men who call and want something you don't offer then proceed to tell you they are going to hunt you down, tear out your uterus, and sell it on the black market because their ego is so damaged by the notion that even money can't make them desireable. 

But lets be real, these people are my clientelle. Everytime you say, hey sorry I don't do that, thats money going in someone else's pocket. Now, I can say I'm lucky enough that I'm in a position where I can be more selective about who I work with, but when I first started doing this, I couldnt afford to. I took what work came my way and I still, years later, have some of those same clients that I'm just not into. However, they're reliable and over all respectful, so I bite the bullet. But I do notice that it affects me mentally and I need to be cognizant of that. 

I think playing roles I'm uncomfortable with negatively impacts me because when I work online, I present as who I actually am and I don't create a charecter. I don't lie about myself. I am authentically a dominant wierdo who has plenty of real life experience doing kinky shit that I can just naturally carry a conversation or a roleplay without pressure. As it turns out though, forcing myself into more unnatural roles is really exhausting and uncomfortable. And so it is, that I've been prone to burn out trying to take on the " What do I have to do to take your money?" mentality. It's like become a mantra for weary slow days. I don't do it all the time, but if I have a little extra emotional energy that day I can disassociate a little and throw myself into a roleplay I normally wouldn't do. 

All that said, I have a dungeon tour next week scheduled. I haven't been in the dungeon in eons. I also was diagnosed with long covid which has made it impossible for me to wear heals due to imbalance issues. Hopefully clients will understand, but I kind of feel like a bird with clipped wings to be honest. Either way, I am VERY excited to start taking in person clients again. Hopefully it will be a breath of fresh air and ultimately help make the online/phone portion of my work more enjoyable as well. 

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